This Visit Home + Realizations About My Own Health

Two Fridays ago at about 12:30am, I touched down to #myATL. After working 12 days straight in order to get an extra weekend added on to my vacation, I was tired. After waiting in the airport for hours on end as my flight was delayed for rainy weather, I was TIREDT. Still, when those wheels hit the ground, the seatbelt sign went off, and our pilot welcomed us to Atlanta where the “weather [was] 78 degrees,” I felt a sense of renewal, a sense of relief–a sense I had not had since December of last year. What happened December of last year you may ask? Well, that was the last time I was home.

Immediately, the weight on my chest resolved. The tightness in my throat went away. Honestly, I would have given anything on that day to make it back to Atlanta in one sleepy, overworked piece. I prayed to God that my flight would not get cancelled and praised Him all the more when I boarded. I have no idea what I would have done if I had not been able to make it home that night. I was desperate and absolutely did not want to trek back to my Manhattan apartment.

In the days thereafter, I definitely had to ask myself why I was so pressed to get home; why I felt such a sense of relief in stepping off that plane. I resolved it’s all about how Atlanta makes me feel; how it impacts my health. 

When I’m in Atlanta, I notice significant differences within myself. The first is that I don’t have that perpetual chest tightness. I am telling you something: the first time I experienced the relief of chest tightness last December, I was floored. The relief was immediate then and immediate this time. I can breathe easily here. The flow of air is cool and steady for me. Then there’s my sugar cravings. I may have lost weight living in NYC because of all the walking, but, y’all, what about my insides? I noticed very quickly that I consume way less sugar here in Atlanta. This past year, I have felt an increased need to have dessert almost daily. I have found myself picking up sweet treats from local bakeries on my way home from work multiple times a week. Now I do have a sweet tooth, but daily is excessive for me and my norm. I wondered what in the world was going on with me and then I remembered: craving sugar can be part of a physiological stress response. Y’ALL. I don’t want NO chronic health conditions. And I won’t have any in Jesus name. Interestingly enough, I had the same daily cravings when I resided in Boston for college. This vacation, I have had sweets, but not nearly as many. I’ve even found myself turning sweets away at times when they are offered to me. I definitely don’t have the major cravings here. I also find it so much easier to stick with my daily salads as opposed to drifting off into restaurant land. Here in Atlanta, I view going to a restaurant as more of a treat and not so much as an overwhelming convenience. In Atlanta, if I run out of groceries, I just hop in my car and re-up. In NYC? Oh baby, that’s an ordeal. I have to carve out time from my schedule, will myself to walk to the bus, take the bus crosstown to Trader Joe’s (because it’s one of the only stores with prices that haven’t lost their minds), walk up to the store, walk back from the store to the bus stop, take the bus back crosstown WITH my groceries in tow. So yes, sometimes using one of these fifty-leven restaurant apps to get food is just way easier. And if the app sent ya girl a coupon? Oh, it’s a done deal. As for working out? Gone are the days of having a beautiful and conveniently located rooftop gym with a stunning view just 7 flights above me. I’m just not willing to pay $2700+ for that in NYC. Yep, we are back to post-covid rent prices, baby. In residency, convenience is absolutely the name of the game when it comes to making use of the little slivers of free time. Without a gym, my fitness routine definitely suffered for a good portion of this year. Again, we thank God for the built-in exercise walking provides.

One of the most important differences I notice is my mood. Y’all I feel so light and airy and peaceful and free when I’m on Atlanta soil. Life feels (is!!!) just so much more convenient. I have my reliable transportation, my neighborhood things, cleanliness, so much space to roam, just everything to which I’ve become accustomed. When I visit, I find myself just smiling for no reason. I imagine a life here and how I’ll be able to build in just a matter of 2 years. My patience is stronger and my fortitude is longer here. I take my time a bit more and don’t have that constant heightened sense of urgency. I can just be.

You may be thinking I don’t have all these warm fuzzy feelings in NYC because I am constantly working when I’m there. Not so. I have spent enough off days there to know the chest tightness, sugar cravings, and mood are not significantly impacted by being off. But perhaps that’s the point? I moved to New York with the very specific purpose of being ON. And believe me, that’s the city to do it. I have grown there. My business has grown there. My medical career and confidence in my medical knowledge have grown there. For that, I am so so grateful. Still, I have to take inventory of how different locales make me feel. I encourage you all to take inventory of how your location, your work, your people make you feel. It is not normal to consistently have negative physiologic/psychologic responses and adverse health practices based upon a person, place, or thing. If that’s the case, you may consider making a change if you can. Take inventory.

I am doing my best to maintain my health no matter where I am. In NYC, I am doing my best to limit my sweets and plan ahead so I eat out less. I have committed to cycling at Harlem Cycle (love them so much and highly recommend!!!) 5 times per month with my monthly membership. I have my YouTube workouts I do at home. I am continuing therapy to discuss and contend with my incredibly nuanced experience as a Black female, HBCU grad, Atlanta transplant, first generation physician in a predominately white space catering to predominately Black patients in NYC. I am taking it one day at a time and gracing myself to do just that.

I know plenty of people who describe NYC the way I describe Atlanta…well maybe not the cleanliness part (ha! sorry y’all!), but definitely the warm fuzzies. And I get that. I think it’s wonderful. It’s so important to find YOUR home. I’m not saying I can never live anywhere else. I’m just simply saying that after living in three major cities, I have an idea of what a good fit looks like. I have an understanding of what a good fit feels like. And you know what? I’m so grateful God has allowed me to live in so many different places on my journey (even an island) so I can make an informed decision on where I actually want to be. The only major city I haven’t spent considerable time is Chicago. I’ve heard that wind is something serious lol. Life is good. God is good. My health is good. I just know it can be better. I’m so very grateful because one day soon…it will be.

xx,

Photos by Tina Smith