This One’s for the Interns.

So you’ve made it to Intern Year!!! I’m so very proud of you and I hope that in the midst of all the onboarding, new employee picnics, trainings, and credentialing, you’ll have time to take a break and read this post. I’m hoping you can glean a few lessons from a soon to be 2^nd Year who did NOT have it all together.

I was NOT prepared for intern year. Hear me out. I felt prepared and confident for the intern year I had conjured up in my mind, but not the one I actually endured. Remember when I said my strategy for 4th year of med school was to graduate, get out of there, and maintain my mental health? Well yea, mission accomplished, but my methods did not necessarily set me up to match where I thought I would. I am so grateful to have matched into Family Medicine. The way my desire for free time/balance is set up, God KNEW what He was doing. Back then, I wanted to match into OB/GYN. My 4^th year of med school, I took whatever elective was open and of actual interest to me: “Just get me out of here.” Uro GYN, Outpatient Family Medicine, Research…What I did not take, however, was anybody’s inpatient anything. Guess where we spend most of our time intern year. Again, I did not plan to match into Family Medicine. That’s my truth and it’s ok for me to say that. Because of past comments I’ve received, I want to say this: any Family Medicine practitioners who are offended by me sharing my story, I urge you to do some internal work to get to the crux of that. I’m speaking very seriously here.

When I showed up to my first inpatient rotation, I had to learn how to do everything. I never took a Sub-I in med school where I was someone’s pretend intern on the floors. Y’all, they had to teach me how to page, how to call consults, how to place orders, where to look for electrolyte management, how to get certain drugs approved, you name it. And while I remembered what I had studied throughout med school, I quickly realized the practice of medicine is not as cut and dry as what’s presented in the text. There’s nuance. There’s exceptions. There’s provider preference. I had also had a full gap year between graduating and practicing medicine. So yes, some of the information I did have to relearn. I was frustrated. I was tired. And I definitely longed to have more exposure to what interests me. But you know what I did?

I kept showing up. I showed up daily ready to learn; ready to soak up everything I could. I remained teachable. I took correction. I asked questions. Y’all, I asked questions. No, it’s not fun feeling like you’re the one always asking for clarity, but that’s how we learn. We are dealing with human life here. Humility is a MUST as a medical trainee and even after that training is done. ASK. THE. QUESTIONS. And I’ll still be asking some as a senior. My point?

Half the battle during intern year is showing up. Some days you may feel dog tired and find it a complete task to peel yourself out of bed. You may find you cannot even fill your cup and wonder how you can do so for a multitude of patients. Show up anyway. Each time you do so maximizes your opportunity to learn, grow, improve, and become the confident, competent clinician you desire to be. I have no intention of practicing inpatient medicine in the future, but I do feel prepared enough to be somebody’s senior. I won’t lie and say I’m not nervous, but I will boss up and say I’m ready.

Especially if your journey is non-traditional like mine, I just want to encourage you: You CAN. The learning curve is steep for every single intern in some capacity. It’s just that very few are willing to talk about it. And that’s ok. I’m here to say I was very uncomfortable with inpatient medicine specifically starting out. I graced myself to grow every day and I did. I still have plenty to learn, but that’s the purpose of residency isn’t it? Never be ashamed or even afraid of your unknowing. Make it known so you can learn and get what you need.

I also want to speak to the importance of recharging. Y’all, please do this. Please do not spend every waking hour thinking about, talking about, studying about medicine. You can be a competent physician and still practice balance. If you watch my stories at all, you know I am outside. And I’m all the better for it. Recharging allows me to be a bit more present when I am with my patients. I’m not resentful and I don’t feel as though I’m constantly missing out on life because…I’m not. I rest appropriately, but I do not sleep my off days away. I also have a creative outlet outside of medicine. Building SAC has been an incredible ride and one I’ve committed to even through residency. So many residents and trainees were very surprised when my consistency with SAC did not wane. They definitely told me as much. You make time for what means something to you. On days when medicine is tough on me, it’s so nice to know I have a respite I own and control waiting right there for me nurture. When I only have one day off a week and I have to spend it on photoshoots and content prep, it can be a little rough. Ask me if it’s worth it? It is.

Intern year has also been significantly improved by me asking for what I want. Y’all, you better ask for what you want!! I wanted more exposure to Women’s Health 2^nd and 3^rd year, so I asked my program director for a Women’s Health track. And you know what? She made it happen. I saw my schedule for 2^nd Year and I am ecstatic!! Sometimes all you have to do is ask. We did not have some long, drawn out conversation. I did not show up to her office with a PowerPoint presentation. I simply made my interests known (again lol) at the end of my mid-year evaluation. She reached out to her network and established rotations that make sense for what I need for my future practice: Colposcopy, Prenatal Care, Breastfeeding. That’s in addition to the OB and outpatient GYN rotations all residents complete. I asked her to group my 4 weeks of elective time together (will share more later!) so I can spend more time in Atlanta and she obliged. My schedule is LIT!!! I have also been clear on what I do not want. A proposal was made to have 2^nd years do more inpatient medicine time and I quickly declined. Yes, I have to senior this upcoming year, but I do not want extra exposure. I don’t. And I’m too old and too far along in my career to play the “I like everything and don’t want to offend anyone” game. No. I have two more years before Attending status and I want to be fully prepared to practice what I am going to practice. And no, I do not fear retaliation or condemnation as a result of me speaking my mind. The weapon may form, but it will NEVER prosper. God has already shown me that. Speak up, y’all. If there’s a track, research study, global health endeavor, mentorship program, outreach opportunity you want to see happen, ask for it. The program could be waiting on you to make mention so it can come to pass. Closed mouths, no food.

Show up. Recharge. Speak up. That’s how I’ve made it through intern year. I’m just so proud of what I accomplished this year. I made it through rotations that intimidated and challenged me. I advocated for my Black patients and Black residents; making people think thrice about how they treat us. I helped open up conversation for workplace policy that would better protect Black residents and it’s actually being discussed/considered. I proposed alternatives for a really unsafe component of one of our rotations and now that component is optional. I spearheaded a covid community awareness event in Harlem; galvanizing my co-interns and community partners to participate. I grew SAC to new levels and developed more NYC-based partners. I created a home for myself in one of the toughest cities in the country and made it through my first year. I…made it through. It just hit me as I type this very blog post: Over the course of the year, I truly did transition from surviving to thriving. I pray you all can say the very same a year from now. You may have to survive a little first. But that’s ok. You CAN. You WILL. Now go DO!

xx,

Photos by Sweetie Mensah

Preset by Tina Smith