I Finally Tried a Dating App & Deleted It Almost Immediately

I tried y’all. It’s been two weeks and it’s giving…yea, I can’t do this. Not too long ago, I did something way out of my comfort zone: I joined a dating app. I actually joined one a few years ago and, after a few swipes, deleted my account. At least this time around, I lasted 2 weeks and actually spoke to the guys on there. Ha! I’ve always preferred to meet men in person. An in-person, by chance meeting just always makes me feel like the experience is more authentic. But here I am, 3_ years wise, coming from a city where a lot of men are either on the lowdown or on the down low, now living in a city where men have a gazillion options on this one tiny island…so I went to the app store, pressed download, and took it from there. Y’all, I say this with my whole chest:

I have been bored to tears. The conversation is just so shallow. I had one guy start off with really interesting questions. All 2 of them were so intriguing, only to be followed by “hey good mornings.” Before you even ask, yes I interject and try to make the conversation more…conversational, but I cannot and do not want to be the only one leading discussions. And I cannot and will not be the only one trying to get to know someone. Not one guy even asked me the simplest of questions like what I do for a living. I, on the other hand, had questions and conversation for days trying to get to know folks. Isn’t that the point of these apps? I was vague about my job description on my profile because the last man to whom I disclosed my profession ghosted me. Ha! These more recent convos were so bad I began offering up my job title earlier on just to dead conversations and move on. Hey. I don’t make up the scale of intimidation rules. One guy told me good luck with residency and that was pretty much goodbye lol!!!

Another guy decided to step up to the plate and say being a doctor is amazing and something to be proud of…only to be followed by exactly how much he plans to make in a few years, early retirement plans, and how it would be in my best interest to stick around (despite his constant travel for his job) because of how financially stable he plans to be. IT WILL BE IN MY BEST INTEREST TO STICK AROUND BECAUSE OF HIS FUTURE (NOT EVEN CURRENT) MONEY. He only started throwing out exact numbers after I said I’m a doctor and followed up with this idea I need to attach myself to him because his money is a good look. He wanted to be sure I knew whatever money I made, he made more. Sir!!!!! I know Beyoncé just said “it must be your cash cause it ain’t your face,” but sorry. Can’t relate. I will always have my own. I wasn’t raised to live otherwise. I have no intention of depending on someone so heavily that I can’t do for myself. Ever. I know men like to be providers, but money alone doesn’t do it for me. Why didn’t he site any of his other qualities for reasons to stick around? Financial stability tied to arrogance will never impress me. That was just such a major turnoff.

Then there was the unimaginable. The unthinkable. The INFATHOMABLE. One guy who was a bit more conversational kept mentioning his dog that recently died. After offering up my condolences, I just kept wondering…is he gonna replace it?…and when do I tell him? Y’all already know lol!! Dog = deal breaker. I am afraid of you and Toto!! Just last week, I was telling my brothers about how I was talking to ___ number of men. Now, I am tired. If one more man texts me, “Hey,” “Good morning love,” or “How’s your day?” without any ummph, gusto, or follow up, I just might snap. At the very least, I’ve been upgraded from the age old, “Wyd?” Still, it’s for all these reasons I pressed delete. I just felt like I wasn’t going anywhere. The app was becoming a distraction more than anything. I know not all connections lead to relationship, but the app really didn’t yield introductions to men who could teach me something, make me laugh, or show me something new. I’m new to NYC. You could show me pretty much any area devoid of trash and I would be fully intrigued. It’s low hanging fruit, y’all!

I’ve been told by multiple people that no one in New York has relationship success with dating apps. There are just too many options (on apps and in real life) to focus on one person. And that’s exactly why I’ll be heading to a popular church in Harlem to scope out their scene. I’m kidding. (I’m not kidding). All I want is a tall, Black man of God who will be real with me, create mixtapes with my 90s R&B faves, and profess his love for me while holding a boom box over his head outside my humble NYC apartment. Is that too much? And yes, I do want him to be Black. I’m not closing myself off to anything. I’m opening myself up to all the possibilities and the beautiful depths of Black love, Black children, Black legacy. It is perfectly ok to say I want to build with someone who looks like me, someone who doesn’t have racist family I’ll have to shield my children from, someone with whom I can pour ALL (ALL, you hear me?!) of our wealth and success back into the Black community. I don’t want my legacy and future generations turning another color within a few decades; taking my hard work and using it to fund racist, exclusive golf courses or apartment buildings that won’t rent to Black folk. If you’re thinking it’s 2022 and that won’t happen because people are more evolved…1) No, they absolutely are not. 2) I have four words for those who need an accessible example: Meghan. Markle. Oprah. Interview. Proof positive that everything I’m saying in this paragraph is indeed possible. Furthermore, when Best Man 3 comes out, I don’t want to have to explain why Harper and Lance have beef and what happened to Mia. And for those who are confused, no. The way to fix race relations/racism is not to dilute the Black community, be less of ourselves, and, essentially, try to solve issues we did not create. I also don’t think grown men should have bangs…Let’s move on.

Whew. I’m tired. I’m not giving up, y’all. I’m just leaning into God. He has a plan and He has given me all the desires of my heart. I know for sure He will continue. It’s just a matter of time. This post is to give you all a bit more insight into my life as a cosmopolitan woman about NYC and maybe even give you a chuckle or two. A few years back, I asked my Mom what she wanted to see more of on my blog. Her response? Dating. So here we are. Y’all go on ahead and read this post before I delete it lol. Felt annoyed. Might delete later. I shared mine so, now y’all tell me about your dating app experiences! Until next time.

xx,

Photos by Sweetie Mensah

Preset by Tina Smith