I’m Half Way Done with Residency. Let’s Talk.

This time next year I will be 🗣️PACKING IT UP!! No, really. I graduate June 2024 and plan to have the majority of my things packed by January of that year. Y’all, I cannot even believe we are at the half way mark. I have given almost TWO DECADES of my life to this craft; to chasing after my MD and the associated training. I am ready to work, make real money, own a home, and enjoy the career I’ve worked so hard for. I did tinker with the thought of an OB fellowship, but after much time and consultation with my mentors, I feel confident I will be able to gain the necessary skills during my residency. We thank God. Speaking of God, this away rotation I’m on in Atlanta is nothing short of His divine grace and mercy. I drive to work alone, untouched, un-coughed on. I’m working with the patient population of my dreams. My case load is almost 100% sexual and reproductive health. I feel like I’m getting an inkling of what it will be like to practice here. SHOW ME HOW GOOD IT CAN GET, GOD!! This rotation will definitely be my impetus to work harder, finish residency stronger, and get back to what I love.

It truly does feel like yesterday I rolled up to my new NYC apartment, set my things down…and started stomping out roaches. Ha! So glad I can laugh (sometimes) about it now. While living in NYC, I’ve not only been in the hospital classroom learning how to doctor. I have also had to contend with the classroom of life that is New York City. The experience is NOT for the faint of heart and I really am just so proud of myself for not giving up. It’s one thing to endure residency. It’s quite another to be absolutely uncomfortable with where you live and not feel like you have a true resting place when you lay your head down at night. That’s been hard. It’s been hard on me. I could have gone through the hassle of transferring, but this is not my first rodeo. I have a good track record. I CAN do hard things.

Practicing medicine in NYC just comes with so much more than the average city: explicit and implicit racism, hospitals literally filled to capacity, patients who belong in the ICU just chillin on regular floors because that’s the culture and because there are no available ICU beds, lower quality housing (unless you want to pay an arm and a leg), incredibly complex patients. I had one adult medicine clinic in Atlanta just last week and the patients were so straightforward. Just a med refill? Just a hypertension check-up? I was looking through problem lists like, “where are your other conditions and your desire to discuss them all in this 15 minute visit?” Sure, it was only one clinic, but it was such an eye-opener. I do believe NYC is tougher on patients. Can you imagine having COPD + 9 other co-morbidities, living in a 6 floor walk-up ON the 6^th floor, and not being able to leave because your apartment is rent stabilized and you won’t find that price anywhere else? It’s a reality for so many. There is a reason people say if you train in NYC, you can write your ticket anywhere. I absolutely look forward to cashing that ticket in. I trained at _______ (I’ll tell y’all as soon as I graduate. Safety reasons. Love y’all mean it!) Hire me please.

And the rotations? Thank you, God for getting me through. What a wild ride! As y’all know I LOVED OB! I loved GYN. Pediatrics…I loved the residents. It’s wild kingdom all up and through with support animals every which way, but the residents are amazing. Emergency Medicine tried to take me out. Much respect to y’all. Internal Medicine tried to take me out. Much respect to the IM residents as well. Psych tried to literally take me out talking bout (Im)mobile Crisis Unit. In New York City, you want me to respond to ACTIVE psychosis and suicidality by going INSIDE people’s homes just me and ONE other person (a social worker) and NEITHER of us are trained in de-escalation? AND the mobile vehicle got taken away because of reduced funding, so if anything happens we have to get away on foot IF we get out of the apartment? It was a No for me! No yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever. NO! I explained to my program director and the psych directors I would absolutely not be participating. The point of the (formerly mobile) crisis unit was to respond to various situations so the police do not have to and so lives could be saved. But when you send in folks who are not trained to respond to these specific matters…the police ARE going to be called anyway. Residents already have exposure to covid, monkey pox, and everything in between. We assume thoses risks because that is our role as physicians. We have to work in the hospitals. They literally would not function without us. We don’t have to show up to people’s homes like the Gestapo talking bout, “I know you didn’t call me, but I’m here to help you, so let me in.” Nah. We do not have to place ourselves in unsafe situations for which we are not trained. Residents, you do not have to place yourself in unsafe situations for which you are not trained. If something happens, the program will call your family, send condolences, and move on. In case you were wondering, yes, there were some close calls in my class specifically. Be cautious of any time your program sends you to do something without trained faculty to accompany you. We have faculty with us at clinic and the hospital, but (im)mobile crisis unit is all willy nilly and faculty opt out? Well, I’m opting out too. You have rights. You have loved ones who care about your safety. You have common sense. With love, use it.

I feel like I’m making it y’all. Anya Bazzell, MD, MPH, MS is a whole SIXTEEN YEARS in the making. I was just telling my mom the other day (even though she was definitely there), I had to WORK. Before even getting to medical school, I had to grind, stalk people for opportunities, make cold calls, complete coursework for different degree programs at the same time, spend unpaid hours completing research, spend weekends shadowing, ask med school advisors to meet with me so I knew what to improve upon, advocate for myself so schools would look at my application. I completed two Masters programs, took the MCAT 3 times, and stalked med schools to get interviews. In med school, I failed step 1, got dismissed, fought to get back in, got my financial aid taken away, paid $650+ each time to retake step 1, graduated during a pandemic, didn’t get a graduation, didn’t match right away, initially had no job after school. Throughout residency, I’ve had to advocate for myself, advocate for my patients, fight the racist health care system and those complicit, hone my skills as a clinician, fight for tenant rights, combat imposter syndrome, combat rats. I’ve had to WORK. Let this be a lesson to anyone reading: just because it doesn’t come easy, doesn’t mean it’s not for you. How badly do you want it? AND NOW!!! Now I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s so clear. I am starting to make plans, y’all. I am starting to look at homes. I am setting up goals to get my health and fitness back on track. I’m setting up my finances and investments. I am making plans. Thank you, Lord. I feel really good about where I am. I’m ending the year in such a wonderful space mentally especially with this respite and away rotation in Atlanta. I am ready to complete this final stretch of my education and strut right on into Attending life. Soon come. Thank you, Lord. Soon come.

xx,

Photos by Tina Smith