Should Men Pay All the Bills in a Relationship?

I’m not trying to start nothin. I’m just trying to see somethin😂😜In this post, I am speaking about hetero relationships because that is the experience I can speak to. It’s been brought to my attention on several accounts that a common trend among the young folks and the Aunties is to expect men to pay all the bills in a relationship. I was shocked when I found out such an arrangement was so commonly requested…in 2023, the year of our Lord and Savior. I was even more shocked to learn some men agree and even prefer it.

Did Destiny’s Child have a point after all? Should men be paying these Bills, Bills, Bills? For me, this arrangement begs several questions: What happens with all the money Sis gets to save? Are there expectations for other contributions to the household? How are these conversations broached and how exactly do you phrase, “I’m not paying for anything?” Now I’m not talking about the ladies who give up their careers to raise children; those who spend their days cooking, cleanting (Madea voice), carpooling, and the like. Let’s not get it twisted. That is absolutely WORK! Much respect. Hold it down, ladies! In the days of (not that) old, when women had even less earning potential, could not get bank accounts or mortgages or land on their own…oh yea, Playa. Foot every single one of those bills just off GP. Just for the struggle. But now? 

With so many women who actually are breadwinners in the family or at least making the same or a comparable amount? I’m just supposed to take my $XXX,XXX per year and stash it? While my mans covers…everything? Or even the majority of everything? Again, this is my perspective I’m sharing here and this kind of arrangement just doesn’t seem fair to me. I admit my opinion is skewed as I grew up predominately around men: 3 brothers and almost all male cousins. EYE would not advise any of them to agree to front all the bills in a relationship. Future sis-in-laws, y’all gonna have to come out of pocket for SOMETHING! And if I were a man, my answer to this arrangement would be immediately no. As a woman, my answer to this arrangement is immediately no. Why? Well, it’s simple. I want to protect myself spiritually, emotionally, and financially. Love is love. I believe in it. I hope to experience a committed version of it one day. Still, I do acknowledge people can change. Situations can change. I’d never want to place myself in a position where someone can tell me to get out of his house. “Who house?!” Our house? Just the thought of someone being able to say that to me is troubling.

And what about the knowhow of it all? I am a firm believer women should at the very least know how the home buying, financing, and maintenance processes work. What if a spouse passes away or is unable to work? We should know how/where to access funds. We should be logged into all the finance apps. We should be at the table when taxes are done. We should know how to get in touch with important contacts. There are horror stories of men forgetting to pay bills for whatever reason and women being surprised with an eviction notice, a significantly decreased credit score, tax issues, and more. All of this to say it is my opinion being completely clueless is not cute. Those TikTok videos with women saying they have no idea how to pay or even access their mortgage are not romantic.

Yes, there are so many ways to contribute to a household, but I personally will always contribute financially as a source of protection and pride in my home and hard work. The pride I have in my life’s work is the true crux of why I feel the way I do. I am so blessed to be where I am; having accomplished my dream career and, thereby, a salary that opens up access to so much more. I want to spend that money on something that is truly meaningful to me. Homeownership is a dream I’ve had since I was a little girl. I’ve wanted it so long. To have someone else completely finance that dream for me when I am well able to work does not sit well with me. At all. I am going to take such great pride in and care of any home I have. I do want the deed and the mortgage to reflect that. I want to be and feel like a partner; like the woman of the house. For me, that feeling does come with financial obligations and responsibilities. Sure, I want my partner to have it and to be financially stable. Still, my mindset is we can go further faster if we purchase properties and pay them down together. Imagine me buying a Birkin every other week when I have aspirations of having homes in Atlanta, Harlem, and on the Vineyard. No ma’am. I can be demure and emit feminine energy without sitting on my stacks week to week.

I know so many women are in search of the soft life. We deserve it, ladies, but honestly, the fellas do too. The soft life can come in so many shapes and forms, but y’all be careful listening to me because I’m still single. Ha! I’m not trying to be in anyone’s household, y’all. Lord knows I’m praying I’ll one day have my own with Somebody’s Son. Still, I simply wanted to share an unpopular opinion: splitting bills does not make you roommates. It makes you teammates. And to me, that’s a beautiful thing.

Photos by Tina Smith