It’s been 6 years since I failed step 1

Let’s reflect. Y’all, I cannot believe where I was in comparison to where I am. I mean really. In 2017, I failed step 1 and my entire career was completely jeopardized. I had to take that exam multiple times and almost did not graduate. The SAPP committee at my school said I would never:

– Pass my step exams

– Pass my shelf exams

– Graduate from medical school

– Match into residency

God always has the final say and I have officially accomplished every single one of those things. I thank God and my family for fully sustaining me during that time and I thank the president of my alma mater, my med school mentor, and my test-taking strategist for never ever giving up on me. I just emailed the president last month to let her know I graduate in June and to thank her again. She could not believe that time had already passed so quickly. And honestly, it’s shocking to me as well.

Even with all the turmoil, tears, depression, and sadness, I just knew God had more in store for me. The way I got into the med school of my dreams at the final hour was truly an all God thing and I knew He would not allow destruction to His doing and His plan. The frustrating part was I did not know when God would show up and how long I would have to suffer. But when He did??? The flood gates opened. 

I am living the very things I was told I would never and, honestly, six years removed from that situation, I just feel so empowered. I believed in God and His miracles and I also did and continue to do the work—the gut wrenching, back-breaking, 70+ hour a week work. My work has paid off and I just feel so far removed from the whole step 1 debacle. It feels like it was over a lifetime ago. I do not even remember all the details—mostly on purpose because of the pain it caused. The only reason I bring up the exam now is to encourage others and to encourage myself; to remind myself how far I’ve come. My point is this: those failures never quite defined my career and my life the way administrators said it would. I have reached a point in my life where I am beyond that experience and those failed tests truly became testimonies. In the past 6 years, I have been able to:

• Determine how best to take tests and pass step 2 and 3 on the first try with no problem! As a medical doctor, standardized exams are a lifetime commitment. Learning how to take them as a Black professional (those tests are racially biased!) who did not grow up with access to private schools and intensive test-prep strategy courses therein is a serious feat—one I’m very proud of!

• Match into residency. First of all, VERY FEW interviewers even asked me about step 1. It was pretty much a non-issue on my interview trail. I did not mention it unless directly asked. My interviewers were mostly interested in my community service, research, and mission trips. They were interested in me as a person and all I had to share in my personal statement. Sure I did not match into OB/GYN the way I thought I would, but I’m getting the reproductive health training I want and need. If I’m being honest, I am not interested in GYN surgery; just c-sections (that’s the surgery in Surgery And The City)! I’m getting what I need through Family Medicine and I will absolutely have the skills and career I want. I could not be more pleased.

• Coach a multitude of students on how to move forward after step failure and how to match with less competitive stats. My ability to carry out this task truly means the world to me. I never wanted to keep my failures to myself as I always want to be a resource to those coming behind me. I could not find a single soul who had experienced what I did when I was going through. I made a promise I would make myself available and a resource to other students when I survived. I have done just that.

I could not be more pleased with my progress. I went from “she’ll never…” to applying for my second medical license (GA!) yesterday. I’m going home, y’all!! It’s been 6 years since those truly hurtful failures and NOW!!! I am in my last year of residency and preparing for my first medical job as a real deal Attending. I’m about to purchase my first home—my dream home. I’m about to put even more energy into my content creation game and delve deeper into that career. One day I’ll marry the man of my dreams and pop out my twin girls. This journey has been long. It’s been hard. It’s been tortuous and, many times, it’s been sad. But God. We are here and my life is not at all defined by that singular exam. The idea it would be is extremely silly and I’m just so grateful things never played out that way. I can say the journey was worth it because I genuinely love helping, healing, and kiki-ing with my patients! I love educating and being of service in such an impactful way. I love helping to bring life into the world. And I know I’m going to love that Attending paycheck come July 2024. Ha! On the contrary, I will say as amazing as this field is, it involves lot of work and a lot of thankless days. With the physician suicide rate being what it is, I do feel the need to say a career in medicine is not worth your life. Step 1, dismissal hearings, probation, and the like can all put you in a dark place. The medical field is wonderful, but it’s not worth causing yourself harm. Call 988 if you feel you are in a bad place and cannot shake it.

If you have failed anything or are currently trying to figure out your next steps, I hope my story gives you hope. I pray it gives you peace to know there is life after. A good life. THE good life. One of the main scriptures that got me through is Matthew 9:29 – “Because of your faith, it will happen.” I am truly living that scripture daily. Deep down, I never stopped believing and here we are. It’s been 6 years since I failed step 1. I’m at the end of my medical education and training and I’m fully ready to embrace all that’s next. I just thank you, Lord. 

Before you go, here are a few resources:

How to Match with Less Competitive Stats

What to Do If You Do Not Match

How to Prepare for a Dismissal Hearing

How I Pass Exams

Keep going, y’all, and always take care.

xx,

Photos by Tina Smith